Being Abandoned and 3 Things That Motivated Me

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I was abandoned! Well, not in all aspects of my life but in the project my team were tasked to tackle. Nearing the final stretch, the going got tough, the weak fizzled out and their true character showed. I was left alone on the final lap of the project with little work to work with to help my cause. I had to do a lot on my own.

But I soldiered on and work my abandoned butt off. At the end, I can say I enjoyed the challenged and found a renewed confidence in tackling tasks on my own.

Here are 3 things that motivated me along the way:

1. The lecturer doubted me
   I came to class, settled down on the empty table and chairs where my teammate's butts should have filled. I looked around and see other teams building up their ideas and looking seemingly chilled about the whole project and presentation we had to do at the end of the day. They were relaxed and confident in their teams and one of them even threw a snide remark at me (I'll come to that in point 2).
   
   
   In comparison to the other teams, filled with discussion and life, I was a lone ranger sitting at an over sized desk. My lecturer looked at me displeased and seem to be angry at my team and even me. She doubted my abilities and even asked me what I was going to do. She was probably hinting for me to give up and go home. But to me, there was only one option, do the project on my own with the now added incentive of proving her wrong.
   
   
2. Snide remark by classmate
   During the team formation period, I decided to stick to my current group and not join other teams as I promised my group that I was going to be there for them. On the final stretch of the project I probably looked pathetic on my own and a member from the other team particularly enjoyed my plight and said something along the lines of "Look at BROCO, he didn't want to join our team, now he's alone." It drew scattered laughter and pity out from my fellow classmates for me.
   
   
   
   
   When this happened, I was thinking to myself, "What is up with this people, can't I do this on my own?". Well no, to be honest I thought something more along the lines of "*$%& you, you weak &$*%." It was when I realize how they needed reassurance from their teammates and if they were in my situation, they would probably take the teacher hint, head home and give up on the project altogether. And that snide remark gave me that boost to ace the whole presentation, not on my own, but armed with my buddy Determination and the doubts they have in me.
   
   
3. My mindset
   I think as humans we tend to succumb to fleeing if the consequences were minor or non-existent. In my case, skipping that day would not be too much of an issue and the easier way out was to pack up, give up, go home. But my mindset made me think about the abundance of incentives that await me if I tackled the project even if I am on my own. I would learn so much and build my character and belief in myself from that experience. So I never considered fleeing and pressed on towards the only option in my mind, acing the presentation even if I had to do it on my own.
   
   

Takeaway

There will be times when odds are stacked against you and the option to flee seems like an enticing prospect. But a strong mindset that relish challenges and the desire to reap the rewards will bring you through these times. Oh, and don't forget the doubts and bullshit from the haters, that will give you a boost too.

"We are never out of the fight, join the fight."

BROCO out.

3 Consequences of Being The Overly-Attached Guy

(This is a true story based on personal experiences)

I looked at her. She is stunning. Not a perfect 10, but she was perfect in my eyes.
For privacy purpose let's call her Li (Broco and Li, Broccoli).
Back then, I was probably thinking, "Man, if god was an artist, she would be his finest masterpiece". I have been talking to her, going out with her for the past few months. She's been dropping all kinds of IOIs (Indicator of interest).

Things are going great. I was excited and began to talk to her a lot more. A LOT. I started to tell her how I felt, how much I adored her (Dumbest move of the century).

Here's why:

1. She begins to think I am shit
   Ah…I remember when we first met. I was minding my own business, going about my daily routines. Didn't have a goal back then, was a playful douche. Then suddenly, the universe aligned, the angels came down from the heavens and cupid shot an arrow. I met Li.
   Li was interested to find out who this attractive lad was (Douche me). She initiated conversations and dropped IOIs. Damn I was happy and I found her attractive too. After all, she was god's finest masterpiece.
   I began to chat with Li and tell her how I felt about her. Slowly and stupidly, my life started to revolve around her. I talked to her everyday till talk became pester. I began to look like a depressed douche when all the love was not reciprocated. I even let her know how depressed I was. I thought this would help me win her back.
   
   
   What happened here?
   Li began to distant herself away after I got too deep and possessive by talking to her every day, telling her how I feel and trying to make her mine and only mine. She started to smell shit. Li first grew fond of me when I was being the playful douche I was. Now, I was just the possessive douche.
   And you know the rest. She confirmed her suspicions that I was shit.
2. I was no longer a challenge
   You see, I got too caught up talking to her, telling her how I feel and making her my life greatest priority. What the hell, I only knew her for like 2 months and yet I felt that my life was ruined if I lost her.
   
   
   What happened here?
   I was no longer a challenge and easy to get. I seemed like I was a needy guy without any purpose in life. In other words, I was like a child needing to be cared for every minute of the day. Does Li want to be the girlfriend of a child? No, in her eyes, I became a child.
3. The other guys talking to her became sexy beasts
   We tend to compare things whether we know it or not. We may do it unconsciously but I am pretty sure we compare almost everything. When you are in a class full of bad students, you feel like a Harvard student because you compare yourself to the bad students. But what happens when you go into a class of full of Einsteins? You suddenly become Doofus.
   
   
   What happened here?
   When I became a child, the other normal guys bumped up the sexy scale from 3 to 8. They became attractive in comparison to me and like gravity, she was drawn to them.
   This made me sadder. I let her know I was sad. She didn't care, even if she did, it was pity. Like the pity you have for the ants you stepped on by accident.

Final thoughts

At the end of the day, I believe it is the mind-set that messed me up. I was possessive over Li and was afraid to lose her.

What mind-set then?

Understand that she is only one of many aspect of my life at that point and that losing her would just meant that we were not right for each other. I should remain as the playful guy with my family, friends, hobbies and academics being all the other aspects of my life. With that mind-set, I wouldn't be the baby I became. I would be the playful attractive douche that I once was.

If you laughed at my pathetic plight I was once in and wish to mock me further, go ahead and like the Externus facebook page.

REDEFINING THE MAN IN 2014

As the new year dawns, we begin to examine your life, our relationships and the things we did in 2013. You may bash yourself for doing that stupid thing you shouldn't have done or praise yourself for sticking to a certain goal and achieving it. Whatever it was, it happened in 2013, the past. Take the good and shed the bad although you may not be the man you wanted to be in 2013. With the new year approaching, here are 5 values that will transform you into the man you can be.

1. Purpose

We tend to ask ourselves, “What is our purpose?”. For centuries, human beings are biologically wired to seek success and greatness. This sense of self fulfillment enables us to look deeper into who we are and what have we become. You may have blossomed into a great man, or you are still just another creeper getting thrills from admiring pretty girls walking down the street (we are guilty).

Men today are influenced greatly by external factors such as our parents, friends, economy, religion and societal norms. In some ways, these social agents influence our thoughts and beliefs which deter us from what we really want. 

You may have wanted to be a musician when you were younger but your parents told you that it is not realistic in the current society and the paycheck is trivial. Yes, this is what we are talking about! Developing a purpose in life is important as it serves as a guiding star for us. Our purpose allows us to develop our actions into passion, possibly providing services for the greater good of society, bringing the human race forward as a whole. 

A Man with passion and purpose is often seen as dedicated and disciplined. You do not want to be the Man who lived till 82 years old, regretting on his death bed and thinking, I should have done this and that. However, this is not to be clearly mixed up with the phrase ‘YOLO (You Only Live Once)’.

Takeaway

"You can start by throwing yourself wholeheartedly into something you love to do. It could be gaming, sports, music, arts, writing a book or even starting a business.

Whatever it is, a Man must have purpose in their life. It serves as a guide in all principles of life."

2. Strong Willed

Take a few seconds now and think about events that happened to you last year.

What are your regrets from the year 2013? 

• Failing a subject? 
• Didn't stick to an exercise program? 
• Failing to complete a new year’s resolution? 
• Hurt someone dear to you because you lost your temper? 
• Spend less money on things you don’t need? 
• Waste less time surfing the internet aimlessly? 

Ever wondered why did you regret something or how you completed a resolution? It is willpower, or the lack of it. 

What is willpower? It is the ability to control one’s actions and emotion. Resisting the temptation to be a couch potato for the day and indulge in your fried potato friends because your goal is to lose weight. Not shouting back at your friend because he insulted your family jewels (show him who’s the man through your actions). Completing a difficult assignment ahead of the deadline. Being calm and rational when someone is angry at you. These actions take willpower. Of course, some things are out of your control like an accident or unfavorable conditions but a large majority of events are in your control. You can take control of it and that takes your willpower.

Takeaway

Willpower is actually a simple, yet very powerful tool. There are several studies on willpower and you probably heard about the marshmallow experiment. Four-year-old children were left alone in a room with a marshmallow in front of them. The children were told they could eat the marshmallow right away, or wait 15 minutes to receive an additional marshmallow. 

The children with the highest self-control, those who were able to wait in order to double their white gelatinous booty—grew up to become fitter adults who got better test scores and grades and enjoyed healthier relationships.

Mahatma Gandhi once said,

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will."

3. Courage

With a laser like purpose and an iron will, you begin to make steps towards the man that you could be. You work hard, toiling away at your goal. It could be diligently gaining knowledge to get the dream job you long for or it could be clocking in painful hours in training sessions to become the best athlete around. Whatever it is, all the time and effort spend achieving your goal or purpose makes your life pretty much you, your goal and those dreaded obstacles.

The obstacle is anything that hinders your journey towards your goal in life. It could be an external or internal obstacle. Picture this, you are a varsity athlete, it’s competition season. Two months in, your stringent diet plans and devastating training sessions is proving to be highly effective. You begin to see improvements, thanking your strong will that got you this far. But temptations lurks in the corner, an obstacle in the form of scumbag friends turns up and chide you for being a party pooper when you try to head home early to prepare for practice tomorrow. They insult your family jewels once again, do you have the courage to stand up to them and not bother about their opinions? 

There will be times where we are torn between difficult decisions, having the courage to do what is right or just is a crucial skill anyone should have. Another example of courage takes on a more heroic form of sort. You see someone having trouble fitting in, getting bullied by guys who look like their early childhood calcium source is packed with proteins, he definitely needs some help. Help that you can lend if you have the courage to stand up to these bigger guys. 

Takeaway

On a larger scale, the late Nelson Mandela had the courage to fight against the unjust system of apartheid, he fought for equal rights for the blacks and the whites and peace in South Africa. Even though you may not be the most courageous individual, but little courageous acts can change your life and someone else’s.

 

4. Respect

So, after the Man in 2014 is armed with purpose, will, courage, what else is there for the Man? We think it is respect. 

Before he respects anyone else, we should be able to respect ourselves. When self respect is attained, we will be aware of how we present ourselves towards others. A respectful man is a considerate man, this being said, it eliminates all sorts of prejudice that we might have if we are not respectful to a certain individual or object. Without any prejudice, our actions and reactions to others will be just. 

On top of that, it is important for us to respecting each other places no matter who we are. As quoted by Albert Einstein, “He treats everyone the same way, despite their status in life.” Only then, we would be genuine in the relationships we foster in our lives.

Takeaway 

So go on, be respectful, be genuine in fostering relationships. After all, respect is earned, not given. And when the next time comes where you demand respect, remember, you must first give it.

5. Humility

Humility in a man is defined as knowing his abilities for no lesser or greater than what they really are and accepting the fact that he does not know all the answers and is not afraid to change direction if he see things wrong. He has an absence of pride and does not feel the need to validate and compare his self worth based on others.

You may think that humility in a man signifies weakness, submissiveness and fear. If you think it's right to scold your “lower-ranked” colleagues who were right to correct you just to remind them who's the boss, you are wrong. 

Ernest Hemingway once quoted that “There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.” He knew that true humility is a sign of strength, dignity and confidence and being humble embodied what being a man was.

Takeaway

1. Sharing in praise & credit
When working in a team, a prideful man would take credit wholeheartedly during a successful project as it validates his self worth and this enables him to keep up the false masquerade of success as he climbs the corporate ladder. Be the man that is humble and share the praise & credit because deep down you know that the success would not be possible without the hardworking people who supported you.

2. Having a common touch

When you have attained the success you desire in life, remember that you were once struggling and hustling on the streets. A humble man would view himself no different or of higher esteem than the ordinary folk even though he might be worth a billion dollars. He doesn’t brag about the recent trip around europe on his private jet when a ordinary folk can only travel once a year on discounted fares. He understand that everyone’s experiences are equally important and interesting and that no man is of greater value than of another, for the value of a life is another.

3. Doing things while not expecting anything in return

Fulfil your duty in work,family,country while not expecting any returns or validation for your service. A humble man moves and navigates through life serving others at the same time making the world a better place for the future generations. This fulfil his purpose in life and brings him a step closer to deciphering out his version of the meaning of life.

The time for evaluation is over, do not bother about what you did as a man in 2013. As you look forward, take away the 5 values, let them be embodied by the Man you can be.

- Externus Nation